My little world

gempa bumi

2004-10-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

Dahulu di utara Jepang yang daerah Niigata occured gempa
bumi besar.
bahagian kami tidak rasa apa apa,tidak shake daerah yang tinggalkan
kami.
tapi gempa buminya tragedy sekali.kira kira 40orang dibunuh
dan orang banyak were injured.
kemarin berita yang besar kami sudah mendengar.

mobil yang buried in debris were finally detected and
caught the sign of human's hearbeat di sana.
Sebenanya 2 adik kecil dan ibunya missed setelah outbroken the
gempa bumi,dan mobilnya belonging ibunya.
orang orang rasanya mereka sudah meninggal tapi " catch the sign of
human existed"

saya juga berdoa..bahagian mereka pertama tama anak laki laki
dibantu..dia hidup! saya sudah tangis..Under the ground dan alive in there!

At last ibu dan adiknya sudah meninggal .pasti mereka berbahagia di heaven
dan mereka beri their life to anak laki laki..namanya Yuta.

kalau saya ibu Yuta,,pasti saya tidak regret,,kalau saya meninggal
Yuta hidup dan datang ke suaminya.
Ibunya willing to give her life to the baby.
Very natural to me..never forget to do it.

Fragile boat

2004-10-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

One of my kids thrown up in last midnignt to around the
blanket.The bad smell pervaved the air and we had to clean up
immediately.baby was crying for sleepy and displeasure.
We also felt too bad to think anything else.
At last Baby has slept with harden with his hairs,we were exhassted.

These days my husband was very busy so came back to home
later than usual,moreover I suffers a kind of neurosis.

it seems as if we had taken the fragile boat in the sea.

we don't have idea where is our destination and should be first
because too bitter.
All we have to do is protect twins only.

my role?
As a kindly and charitable mother,I will try to keep the home from
every our commen enemies..

segregation

2004-10-25T05:08:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I encounted the terrible mental shock about
child care difficulties.
I felt as if I sink the deepest bottom of the water,no sense about
every appetite.
Yes,I was a kind of mental depressed patient.

I must admit how hard that foster the twins by myself with
associated my all of desires.

Finally I was taken care of psychiatrist and prescribe for unti depress
and unti unrest.
Then I read a book which written by human love of mother and her child.
And I persuaded my husband to hire the helper
for twin's playmate and my adviser.

Now I feel more relax than before..probabry help of the medicine,
I found that my condition in the life.
Not in the normal situation but I am in the segregation from
real world.
I have no perfect freedom,no choice of my all of selections about life.
the most priolity is twins baby.
until when?
I'm sure at least I have to wait 2 years and 6 monthes.
then my twins will go to kindergarden and I will enter the junior
nursing school.

2years and a half year..maybe it would be a tiny among my long life.

I have to prior baby to everything ,then try to enter the new world.
it seems a bit difficult,but I never give up to bring up the
twins.

possible to control the anger?

2004-10-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I'm easy to get angry only for my husband.
My surface is not so bad,maybe seems to acceptable.
but my inside of heart is too immature,very furious and sometimes
feel difficult to control it.
Generally woman tend to leave her emotion and intensely.
I think my anger 's degree is irredeemable..
while I was angry and speak out to him,another myself in heart
feel so sad and want to stop the negative tendency.

Now that my babies getting understand day by day,
why am I so unwise? can't learn from the past?
Should be take mental counceling?

one more baby..

2004-10-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am impatient to have one more baby though I have
two babies already.
Looking photos when twins were still newborn,it makes the desires fuel up.
but my husband don't agree to it and it seems more realistic.

First of all,I don't suit to be pregnant compared to general mothers.
I have miscarriged previous being pregnunt twins,and in terms of
my last pregnuncy I forced to hospitalized a long time.
and I had been caesarian operation.
It is unusual to healthy lady,actually I'm not delicate but a bit difficult to
continue that keeping baby in womb .
Although delivering is not illness,but should be more carefully.Every year
healthy wemen were carried off because of she was pregnant.

I can't die leave twins behind.

And also if we have one more baby,it means bringing economy life.
Actually it is unfavorable to us indeed.
We hope to give a education whatever twins request,and spend the satisfactory life about
hobbies and sophistication of us.
So probabry having two kids are enough.
I never give up such life and don't like saving life.I'm a bit mammonist..perhaps.

Neverhteless sometimes I hope to be pregnut if I have a chance.
what a ridiculous wish!
Having one more baby mignt be instinctive...

bitter experiences

2004-10-14T01:11:00.000-07:00

when I was pregnant ,I had to hospitalized almost 3 and half months.
it was really disgusting memory of my life.
As I was diagnosed urgency of premature birth,I must sleep in the
bed with instilled for 24hours. While I was sleeping and doing my business
in the ladies room,the drip was never detached from me.
Onece a week,the drip was detached because of changing the needle.
it was terrible torrures to me,I cried so much but after a while it was
varied the reconciliation.
sometimes I feel it seems the process of making prisoner.
Gradually my veins getting the rejection to be inserted and begin
to leak the medicine.whenever it occured I was sufferd hellish pain
because of nurse will try to stick again and again.
the needle was thicker than normally,so even now I can see the many
scars in my both arms.

Actually the harder trouble was human relations in the room.
Since I was stayed in public hospital that my hospitalization was emergency,
so there were a lots unpleasant people surrounded by me.
It was inevitable.sometime I was crushed out,and imagine the outside of the
hospital.but I couldn't remember what was outside life was.
Was it truth that I was secretary? love to study foreign languages?
Am I just worthless pregnuncy lady,maybe...

when I was hospitalized 16 May,finally I could go out with healty twins
1st Sep.it seemed everything newly and a bit strange.
I was surprised the train exsisted in this world..at that time,obstetrics ward
was only exsisting in the world.

Maybe taking care of newborn twins were painful.but to me,it was easier than
my recently days..I could live with my husband,besides babies were both healthy and
cheerfully.
when baby was crying in the midnignt or feeding mother's milk so often by turn,
I rememberd the worst enviroments..

like this I could survive most tiredness for newborn baby's care.

inevitable

2004-10-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Reading books or reading something is to feed my soul.
I rarely read a novel but willingly to read and gather information
about concrened it.

when I was little,though my family wasn't so rich but
my father gave me books whatever I asked. and also I love to read
a newspapar for children.At the time of 10,I could read Asahi shinbun
every morning. there were still unknown and difficult words,but
whenever I saw it,my parents tougnt to me.

Anytime I love to read,and expence for it pretty much.
Luckily my husband likes to do that.
Reading and writting is inevitabe to my life.

ballet

2004-10-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

when I was little,ballet was one of my longing.
I never forget to saw girls playing a ballet wearing beautiful
and colorful leotard.I asked for mother but she refused to be master
the piano at the bigininng.

When I was grown,maybe college student at that time
I made up my mind to try a ballet in this time.
then I joined the biginners class and danses there almost
two years.The reason of renunciation was to marry with husband
and it made me so busy.those days I was working and srudying Englsih harder.
but maybe another reason too..I was unsuitable to dance very well.

Recently I have read the topics even over her 40s,a lots women were
zealous to ballet..fubulously some women can dance wearing toe shoes.
I was so touched..someday I keen to wear toe shoes for dansing..
you know I'm so busy now at least I have to wait 5 years to participate
routinly ballet lesson.
until then I am going to do calisthenics in the home.

I love to have a future target and strive for it..

effective or ineffective ?

2004-10-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

The other day I was offended a woman that I met in English conversation
class.though I will skip the detail of it,anyway it is the main reason that
I was retiring in there.
So I thougnt alternative one but now I'm doubt the efficasy of it.

it is the place that Japanese students and a foreign teacher
talk about various topics.
So someone were not pleasant..is it relevant to practical life?
Actually No.
In my practical life,I will use English with my closed friends or
stranger who meet in abroad.If they seems somehow unfavorable,
I'm sure I won't touch them.
therefore it's meanless that I will try to chat with unpleasant lady in English.
you know,I am so busy no time to share with the person that I dislike them.

If I have so much time..likewise want to kill time..it's okay to go English class
and share time with such lady.
I will stop to participate it and to express in English more often than ever...

special thanks to Angelachan

junior nurse

2004-10-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

Before I have a twins, I was thinking to become junior nurse
seriously.why nurse?

there are many reasons to explain it that seems very foolhardy.
At that time I was working at good hotel as a secretary,before it
I was also excective secretary in femouse Jepanese company.
I love it very much,it can make my sense of superiority and
I like to help someon who is high grade in sociery.But at same time
ironically it needs younger and beauty lady.I have to make up neatly and
buy many seasonable outfits.I found that when I have a child,it means
no seats for me anymore.I was sure my position would be take over someone's
else,yes,more beauty and younger.
Though I know two her 40s secretaries ,but both were single and came
from very rich family.it seemd there were no alternative places to them in
their company.
I can learn from it after having a child,I must have been useless in there.

I want to help someone..

and also I reflected my major in university.yes,it was sociology
especially social welfare.

when I was young,still young ,I don't like to work for weak in the society
but strong
and powerful man.somehow it might be changing destination in my life.

So now I have a plan when my twins go to kindergarden,it takes three year later
I will enter junior nurse school and study there in two years.

I hope to look for new world as a nurse after babies are more growing.

what shold I do first?

2004-10-07T04:06:00.000-07:00

I have a guts to study foreign languages and it compose
my identity firmly.
I beleive myself that can make sure everything suceed,though
it mignt be conceit ...
Now that my kids are growing day by day and need more time
and dedication from me.nevertheless I always having the target that
want to fill someday.actually it is really overwhelmed jobs.

If I wouldn't have a twin baby..I would have..

I know it's trifling fancy,not realistic at all.
I wish I could straggle with everything more seriously.

Babies come to me with inocent smiling.
I should stop that commited to study harder than stay with them.

twin baby is the most important in my life,I must put on it in my heart.

jalan jalan

2004-10-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hari ini cerah sekali jadi kami senang sekali.
Bayi kembar juga mau ke rumah luah,dan
saya menbuat naik mereka pada mobil bayi ( stroller) .

Kami menyenang waktu jalan jalan,sudah pergi ke
teman kecil dekat rumah.
Bayi kembar bermain dengan air di teman,jalan sendiri dan
melihatnya baik baik.

bukan main kalau saya ikut dengan mereka di teman.
rasaya bahagia..saya harus appreciate to my God.

sekarang Kochan sedang tangis karuna mau tidur..
ayah suami akan menbuat tidur dia.

Interpreter

2004-10-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

Kemarine saya sudah bertemu dengan Interpreter bahasa
Indonesia yang orang Jepang.

Saya sudah terharu dan mererima banyak dari Ibunya.
Sekarang saya bisa rasa peresaan benar saya..ya,
,basasa Indonesia dan basasa Inggris
bagi saya,mereka sebagai kembar.
kedua juga penting.

I should improve both of them,wouldn't ignore once of
them from now on..karuna itu menbuat identiti saya.

aim for trilingual!?

2004-09-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

For attending bahasa Indonesian lesson and having a lots Indonesian friends
keep in touch English is lesser than bahasa Indonesia recently.
Besides, influence of closed Indonesian friend,I could register Indonesian
foto site too.Incredible..but it was me I just started to learn it only 4 months ago,
but now I could read a lots..but I use dictionary,hehe.
anyway it broght me to another world.
but at the same time the ploblems were happened.

I 'm getting poor about speaking English.

Twicea month I have participated English conversation class,
and it is really challenging and imspired to me.
yesterday I felt a awkardness while I was speaking English.
Generally I can speak what I want to express though it mignt not be correctly.
at that time I couldn't...instead in my mind bahasa Indonesia translation
come up with suddenly and never vanished.
Actually I must study English more seriously,but for my private
if my bahasa Indonesian skill is enough,should be better!

How can I treat for two languages?
I hope to improve both of them..anyway I won't anticipate to decrease my English skill.

homework

2004-09-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

On this weekend,I will attend the Englsih conversation class
( and bahasa Indonesia talking class in other school too.)
then my Canadian teachar impose topics to us about next lesson.
the topiks is " If you were a king ( or other lord) in the
world,what would you have tried?"
so I will prepare it in advance..

If I were a king, it means the world had already united by me.
United world!
I imagine how much cost can we saving when it comes to use for
military power!?
we never need to pay incredible much money for campaign.
I wish I would use the enoumous money for people.
at first, I would make much big bridge and the longest road to connect the nations
in all over the world
so we could brougnt patient to another country soon,worked
wherever you wanted.
next time I would make the scholl all over the world.the education is really
nesessary for the people.and the student can study in another country,
maybe county?
then I whould hope to share about religeon, thinking and how
important peace is.
the tuiton is free,so if people hope,you could go anywhere in the world
without worring about money.

I wish I could live such society until I would go to heaven.

tragedy...

2004-09-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

saya sudah melihat tragedy berita hari ini.
Di sana Jepang,berada dua besar berita tentang anak anak yang
can't descrived because of misfortune.

Satu; Takuma Mamoru's death penalty was scafford today.
Dia bunuh 7 anak anak di sekolah,terkenal berbagus SD di Osaka.
Dia punya kitchen knife dan musuk kamar skolah suddenly,then
bunuh..Dia mau meninggal dan harap accompany with siapa.

Die by yourself! it's gampang sekali..hanya jatuh dari the top of the
builiding jadi dia bisa meninggal denia soon.

Kenapa dia bunuh so little children? 7 children..sekarang
saya punya anak anak..kalau saya mengira how feel orang tuanya yang
dibunuh oleh Takuma..

padahal punished dan beli death penalty pada Takuma,
Never end...straggle of orang tua.
saya saja mau doa untuk korban anak anak.

dua: little brothers were dibunuh teman ayah.
the murder is friend of their father and live together.
the murder dan their father juga cerai dari intrinya.
saja 3 tahun dan 4 tahun brothers were abused the murder everyday.
Once the convenience store's owner found that and call it to police.
the police once their brothes kept in children shelter,tapi ayah mereka
mangambil.dan tragedy happend.
the abuse was occured again and again,at last the murder killed two boys
and threw away into the river from the bridge.

Mengapa...little brothers did apa untuk the murder??
kenapa ayah mereka berhenti the tragedy? dia sudah tahu abused untuk
anak anaknya.
I feel so pain...as a mother having two boys.saya kira di mana ibunya berada?
kalau mereka sudah menginap di children shelter.pasti akan hidup sekarang.
Children shelter also critisized why they allowed to return the children to
the father.

saya berdoa untuk anak anak di heaven.
kalau akan lahir kembali,mereka hidup panjang...

mimpi

2004-09-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

kalau suami saya mengundurkan diri dari
pekerjaan,kami ingin meminjam rumah di Bali.
Jadi kami akan tinggal di sana selama 6 bulan.
ya..mimpi lucu..

saya punya arergi serbuk sari dan tidak suka dingin sekali.
Dan saya tidak mau tinggal di sini musim semi dan mumis dingin.

Di Bali, saya ingin coba creambath,aromatreatment,footmassage
dsb..dan makan makanan Indonesia banyak.saya suka...

saya ingin tidur di siang,dan mengambil foto banyak.

Dan kami mau pergi ke Jawa...bertemu teman teman.
Bukan main,kalau saya bermain dengan cucu teman teman.

Banyak teman yang orang Indonesia sudah beli hadiah hati
untuk saya.saya mau mengembalikan pada mereka.
kalau bisa saya mau mengajar bahasa Jepang pada mereka atau
orang mudah.

Waktu itu, saya doa berhenti agama lain perkelahian.
saya harap...mimpi bodoh!?

bom di Jakarta

2004-09-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

Teman hanya Frindster beritahu saya berada bom di
Jakarta.walaupun saya sudah tahu beritanya,saya terkejut
kantornya dekat sekali pada kebutas Australia.
teman lain juga kirim dia menulis bisa dengar bunyinya.

3 orang Indonesia meninggal denia dan orang orang diluka oleh
bomnya.

kenapa!!!

saya marah dan mau tangis..jangan menyalahkan orang Indonesia
dan itu bukan tempat menakutkan.
Bomnya pecah semua Indonesia.saya Kwatir orang luar negeri punya
susah image pada Indonesia.

Benarnya saya mau pergi ke Jakarta dan Bandung tahun depan
sendiri.tapi sekarang suami melawan rencananya.
saya sedih...

semoga kami berdiam tampa pertengkaran.

save princess

2004-09-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

Recently I sometimes thinking about Princess Masako and
feel so sorry for her.
Briliant careers she had before,but now it seems very wasteful.

She has been sick,mental sich so long days to not presented of the people
nowadays.

Prince also agonized himself and apparently wants to save his wife.

The most possibbe cause regards as to farce her to gave birth to boy baby,
for heir to Emperor in the future.
So she was prohibittend against go abroad to diplomatic familiarity.
Is it really outrage of her human rignt?

Now the couple has only one daugntor,once she had expirmented miscarrige.
As practical problems,is it a bit too difficult woman can be pregnuncy her ages over 40?
I wonder should better dump any hopes about Princess's pregnucy.
it's enough!!

If Princess aiko (their girl) would have been boy,Princess masako could have
been sick as well?
I don't think so.

Probabry princess's most important job may be give birth to heir.
but our princess is no more young and healthy.the time comes to free her from
outragenous about her human rignt.
Maybe should be blamed many people to push her to be anticipated more.

Can she recover on the earth?
I'm so worrid.
Hopefully could give divorce chance to her if she wishes,and
don't remember it;
the baby's gender was decided by only male's gane.

early education

2004-09-07T01:19:00.000-07:00

Here in Japan a lots mothers absorb in Englih or other educations to make
their kids more smart.
Very famous English material for kids and baby,Disney English System is
really expeisive. ( about 600,oooyen)
so tragedy happened.
Most of them used a loan to buy it.after that
their kids would be out of favor uselessly...

how horrible...such expensive goods for only small kids seems
so foolish to me.
I wonder as long as their own parents don't use,their kids couldn't
master it.
but here mothers hope in behalf of them to be inheritd by kids
for their dreams that never been carried out.

Is it rediculous idea force to kids use foreign languages in spite of
parents can't understand?

I have a two kids and use English the extent of I hope,
my husband also understand a little,but we surely won't push to
English or other early education programs for kids.
No more wasteful teaching goods.
Most important gift we could give to kids is driving by himself.
we just help to give advices and in terms of ecconomical.

Now I love to learn foreing languages,especially English and bahasa Indonesia.
both of all were started to be studied after I was mature.
Although I have never studied in both countries where mother tongue had been used
many people misunderstood as I lived there or studied.
thankfully my answer is NO.

I love writting and exchangeing diary with closed friends
since I was small.
To express is indeed therapy..yes.

I must appreciate to parents about had being subscribe for child newspaper,
whatever I want to read,he gave all of them.

I have never given early education
but got from parents so
precious gifts.

I wonder,someday my kids could thank to us!?
I hope so...Do not press and give them effectually.
It's too difficult for new paresnts like us.

beginning

2004-09-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

I live in so small world as compared before.
just take care of kids and do choirs...

I don't complain about it,but not contend too.
how can I do first for next step of my life?
I'm always straggle with my own future,and seek for it.
To get the answer,I just keep going.

from now I will mention about what I want to get out of my
heart and talk to you...though I don't know who you are...

P.S
Special thanks to my bestfrind,angelachan